2009年5月13日星期三

寝室的姐妹

转眼交图,离演出和实习不过四五天时间。ZQmm和PXmm不日将要搬离寝室,入住博士生楼,整个班也快要进入树倒猢狲散阶段,心里是满感慨的。
大一的时候刚进寝室,跟PX常常一道来去,CY常常一个人,ZQ基本不在寝室里。后来几经波折,PX和CY成为闺蜜,我与XH小朋友凑成一坨,ZQ忙着山西行的筹备工作,基本不与我们一起。大一末的时候,我与ZQ、PX先后有了男友,常常深夜才回到寝室,CY说那时候寝室里熄灯后常常只有她一人睡觉,平日只能和XH一起出没,XH和CY两个小姑娘又成闺蜜。
大二一年,我基本不在班里玩,PX不住寝室,CY和XH继续一道来去,后来CY终于开始读红楼梦并加入红楼梦协会,认识了现在的gg,顺利在一起。期间我和ZQ分别感情生活纠结,分分合合,有笑有泪,终于暑假去了青岛。那边蓝天白云碧海,空气洁净街道整齐,日常生活里除了画画没有别的事情,下雨的时候就一群人窝在青旅的小房间里看无聊的电视,喝论斤卖的啤酒彼此吐槽,没事一起出去逛街看海。遗憾的是饱受大家赞誉的崂山可乐我始终没喝,直到返程的火车上才喝了一口。纯中草药成分,跟可口可乐包装很像,口感真是不错,下次去青岛一定要多喝一点。暑假里没有回家去了中建国际实习,玩了一个月。
大三,我从各处组织退出,回来安心学业。CY跟现任gg关系很好,常常同去电影院,或者逛街。ZQ向我们抱怨gg的漠不关心,我们跟PX始终因为距离还是疏远了些。我和ZQ都在感情上纠结,不同的是一个拼命想要跳出来,另一个要努力抓住gg的心。能忍不能忍的过了大半年,几乎成功脱身,还是不忍心,又跳回去。又过了一学期,直到暑假,终于不能忍了。小学期去华山,我在山顶上看日出日落,CY每天都坐缆车上下山一次,听说ZQ在山下干活很拼命,天不亮就到玉泉院测绘。那是忙碌的,紧张的,新鲜的时光。和倩,冬阳相处一周,渐渐关系密切。回来画图痛苦不堪,当然也是自己技术差劲追求较低。后来工地实习之类一概水的不行。CY回了家,PX也回了家,我和ZQ分别在北区和水立方开始我们的志愿者生活。ZQ每天都辛苦,站岗,忍受难以忍受的上司,我基本悠闲地过着工作轻松内容简单的工作间生活。认识了很喜欢的思源姐姐等一干人等。然后参加军乐队的暑训,天天玩命吹管,还翘合排去了北京的教堂。和ZQ彼此安慰,说单身的生活真好。是真的很好。后来ZQ和XH、PX都在努力准备推研,我临时决定回了趟家呆了五天又跑回来。晚交论文被老师当掉,现在想起来还怨念的要死。
后来大四。PX搬回寝室,她们三人推研都很顺利,基本跟了自己中意的老师。我和ZQ、XH关系冷淡。跟某人表白被拒,又去了南京,回来跟mm一起画图,基本确定闺蜜关系。跟贾mm的往来比以前多了许多。据说那时候很让人担心呢。后面再记吧。


2009年5月11日星期一

毕业时

校内新鲜事里多了许多师兄师姐毕业旅行的照片,同级其他系的同学大多也到了要离开园子的时候。对着照片发呆,看着那些熟悉的灿烂的笑容发呆,心里沉沉的压着石头。要离开,要离开,那时我却只在上海不能呆在园子里看着他们。只能悄悄地说许多对不起。
对不起,当你离开的时候我不能和你在一起。
对不起,我不能出现在你的毕业照里。
对不起,我看不到你穿着学士服神采飞扬的样子。
对不起,我不能出现在为你饯行的饭桌里。
对不起,我不能在你感伤的时候安慰你。
对不起,我不能陪你喝酒陪你哭泣。
对不起,我不能在你离开的时候拖着你的箱子送你慢慢走出去。
对不起,我甚至不能,亲口对你说,要开心,要坚强,要记得在园子里的时光,要记得青春飞扬的那个你。
我早知天下无不散的筵席,可是当你们要离开的时候,还是希望能够留住些许。

2009年5月9日星期六

礼物

收到来自小睿的礼物,第一眼看到就笑了起来,典型小睿风格的礼物,从颜色到样式,都像极了那个,聪敏的,有些害羞,倔强的,有时会沮丧但总是宽慰他人的,小睿。礼物,是一把小巧可爱的条纹黄色阳伞,伞沿上有一圈荷花边,收起来的时候层层叠叠,放在同样材质的伞套里,就像一朵花。盒里的留言最后一句话是——“从此,阿丹过着幸福快乐的生活”。
小睿小睿,你也要过幸福快乐的生活。

2009年5月4日星期一

交图和某个典型狗血帖

我总觉得正常的生物钟会导致我交不上图,换句话说生物钟不紊乱我就没有办法把图画完。也许工作的总时长完全一样。
我总觉得耳朵里面不被声音充满会使我精力不集中,然而每次专心画图之后总是发现耳机线在桌上乱成一团,完全跟我的耳朵没有关系。
看来专教里偶尔起伏的谈话声和敲击键盘与鼠标的声音已经成为我所习惯的背景音了。
某次跟对面环境系的师兄闲聊,说建馆似乎一年四季白天黑夜都灯火通明。在里面的人常常也因此如夏虫不知春秋,常常离开建馆就觉得到了新的世界一样,空气和温度都截然不同。
Vray在慢慢爬的时候顺带逛了逛Love,链接http://www.newsmth.net/bbstcon.php?board=Love&gid=3290811
内容大概是某男发帖说mm劈腿,因为他不够关心不够爱。所以他要在分手之后仍然努力,等待mm的回归。这是多么典型的难以仍受的狗血而且SB的故事,以至于我忍不住拿来当个反面教材说下。
第一,小朋友你早在干什么,分手了才反省自己没有多关心mm自我中心不给mm安全感,直到失去才后悔莫及。后悔莫及这件事情一旦出现基本上就可以判定是死刑,哪怕最后改了死缓mm回归也绝对还是无比深重的伤疤,mm肯定不会像最初那样信任你。自作孽不可活说的就是这类事件吧。
第二,这个小朋友啊,既然知道后悔莫及这种事情发生了后果一定十分严重,那为什么还要让他发生呢。。我的意思是说,既然分手了,不如放开手,走自己的路去。对方怎么幸福跟你有什么关系,为什么要为已经不相干的人这么情绪剧烈波动?尤其,情绪激化之后甚至下定决心要等待mm回归。。有没有搞错,mm都已经有新的爱情甜蜜的要死了,你这样自说自话满腔热情算什么。。套用张悦然的话说,就算你愿意为mm献身,也得mm要你献身才行啊。即便mm肯回头,君不闻有句话叫“好马不吃回头草”,做人可以没有爱情,尊严却是不能没有的,古人都知不食嗟来之食,更何况您呢。
第三,这个帖子,太丢人了。更可怕的事情是,作者并不知道自己做了一件多么丢人的事情,甚至还觉得很自豪,很男人。男人啊,把自己儿女情长的姿态拿出来大庭广众之下说,竟然还觉得骄傲,简直,不能忍啊不能忍。这要是id被认出来,周围的同学都上水木,私下一起讨论,不知道会被嘲笑成什么样。话说,其实您未来的mm可能就在这些人之中,本来对您有意,看到您这番话,顿时一番热情打消,这不是自毁前程么。
第四,某些回帖的同学,竟然说出“很感动的飘过”这样的话。。。有什么可以感动的啊,不就是一个做错了事情被惩罚的人写检讨说我要改正吗?这些同学,竟然会被这么没有内涵的帖子感动到,而且是“很感动”,可见简直没有一点理性的判断能力,估计是太闲了。。实在是太令人失望了。。

2009年4月29日星期三

九州志

从凤凰回来这么多天,转眼校庆已过五一在即,欢欢乐乐的骑车在学校里面来来去去,天气真好啊。
昨天夜里跑步的时候顺便看到八卦一则。虽然我老是在各个角落里发现此人的八卦,还是专业的咳嗽一声从容跑过。今天早上打开电脑又看到大家在围观土木系学生会部长集体发情,某李小朋友的校内状态赫然成为军乐卦协讨论版,这个世界真是欢乐啊。
今天的主要内容。关于亲爱的九州。九州志第二季第一辑终于出现,和老吴毫不犹豫的各买一本带回建馆来。话说我和老吴同学,总是不小心买同样的书,非常不可持续发展。回来翻到江南的《葵花白发抄》,题目赫然让我想起高中时Ash喜爱的《百鬼夜行抄》。当年的Ash就坐在床头啃着苹果一页一页翻看《百鬼夜行抄》,我们在百无聊赖的讲着各种各样的事情,重庆常见的阴天里白白的漫射光照进寝室里有模糊的影,实在是单纯并且无聊的一段时光啊。
《葵花白发抄》讲了一个间谍和碟中谍的故事。这个故事发生在大胤王朝两百年的时候,彼时辰月教是国教(狗血啊,辰月竟然可以是国教)。最后的结果跟我预期的一样,花魁和情报头其实是夫妻。四个少年少女被当作了牺牲品为了以为的理想失去生命。故事这么阴郁,一点都不热血,真不符合我现在欢乐的心境。据说江南的缥缈录大坑已经填完,还是等单行本好了。到底喜欢九州什么呢?一个从来没有接触的九州的人最初迈进这个庞大的世界会迷失的吧。作为九州的铁杆粉丝有时候会觉得很骄傲呢,有买过第一本九州哦,虽然当时是帮同学买的。到现在,已经是习惯了吧。比如面前有人对我说,铁甲依然在。。我会不会毫不犹豫的冒出一句,依然在,呢。
最近真是幸福啊。以至于常常会傻乐。还是正常一点好。

2009年4月11日星期六

夜饮

和朋友一起出去喝酒,安慰她受伤的心灵。其实受伤大半是借口,本意还是未经世事的小女生想要品尝下烈酒的味道。呵,伤口固然深重,又哪里是酒精可以治愈的。
一路上絮絮叨叨说了很多,失去和固执,背离和放弃,酒精催化下话就多了起来。我们好像互相依靠的浮萍,离了对方,再到哪里去找一个如此深刻了解自己的人呢?
可是朋友呢,总是过路客。千里宴席,总有散开的时候。总要自己珍惜自己,懂得把自己缩在安全的壳里才能把可能的伤害降到最低的程度。
也许是和某人接触多了,自己也渐渐冷血起来,没心没肺不知道疼痛的样子,既懂得安慰人,也懂得不带真心。这也证明了,可以依靠的人,肯拿出真心来对待的人,挺少的,如果有幸遇到一个,就要好好珍惜

2009年4月5日星期日

踏青

四月的午后不要错过,春光明媚说的大概就是这个时节。于是,在清明的假期里,与好友一起,去了樱花盛开的玉渊潭。早听说樱花节里的玉渊潭人山人海人比花多,去了之后发觉前人诚不欺我。
这个春天的玉渊潭,长满了树冠形状优美的配景树。环绕扁扁的玉渊潭连起清新绿色的一道线。看到树冠背后城市里排列整齐的楼宇,终于开始体悟身为城市居民对开阔空间和绿地的渴望。
玉渊潭公园里的樱花区只在西北一侧,看到的樱花大概有许多种,一概认不出来。许多人拉着花枝照相,还有许多穿和服的小女孩。一阵风吹过的时候樱花花瓣也会漫天飞舞,真是让人欢乐的景象。潭里的水映着周围的绿树,在风里泛起涟漪,有许多游船飘在水面上。排队的人过多,于是我们约了下次一起去北海划船。一路看到绿树粉花小花小草,咬着糖葫芦吃着烤串聊着天慢悠悠闲逛的时候,总是忍不住惊喜连连,气氛过high。和贾说着小朋友听不懂的话,嘲笑学弟的低智商跟低情商,穿着和服摆出lesbian的假象,多欢乐啊。欢乐到现在都还是会笑起来。
春天已经到啦,夏天还会远吗。似乎已经觉得触到夏天里清凉又热烈的气息了。天空碧蓝的北京,总觉得空气干燥,透明,没有压力,是疏朗大气的城市。夏天会怎样呢。抓也抓不住的时光,即将开始的怀念和离别,和成为回忆的现在。南方城市的夏天,闷热的空气里有湿气在积聚,那时候,你在哪呢。

2009年4月2日星期四

安全感

据说
睡觉时蜷成一团的人明显缺乏安全感。
无论睡着或醒着习惯抱着什么东西的人也很缺乏安全感。
手常常握成拳攥的紧紧的人缺乏安全感。
恋物癖的人缺乏安全感。
时常缅怀过去的人对现在缺乏安全感。
对于季节变化敏感的人缺乏安全感。
焦虑的人缺乏安全感。
总是希望别人给予帮助的人缺乏安全感。
爱炫耀的人缺乏安全感。
衣服没有口袋的时候不知道手往哪里放的人缺乏安全感。
喜欢看电影的人也可能缺乏安全感。
怕黑的人缺乏安全感。

虽然大部分都不关我事,总结起来大概还是逃不掉严重缺乏安全感的状了。跑去跟哥说自己要继续学跆拳道,这样会安全感多一点——即便只多一丁点。

这时候我的非常安宁非常稳定的基督徒哥哥说:
你心里不平安,怎样都不会觉得安全的。

似乎很有道理。于是我问:那要怎样才能心里平安呢?

哥半天不说话,最后说,你信教吧。

相信有一个神在注视自己,会觉得自己的所有卑微琐碎的事情都变得重要起来了吧。在别人的目光下会想要做的更好些,是每个人都会有的心理啊。神存在的意义,是不是就是让蝼蚁般的凡人认为自己很重要呢?

如果肯认真的研究一下关于宗教的信息,以双子的飘忽不定不小心陷进去也大有可能,毕竟信仰带来的稳定状态有无与伦比的吸引力。不过嘛,做一个一直缺乏安全感的人也不错,每个人都过自己的一生吧,——不同于其他人的,琐碎平淡的一生。总要有一些特别的地方别扭的地方才有趣味啊。

2009年4月1日星期三

Your April Horoscope by Susan Miller

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Gemini Horoscope for April 2009

By Susan Miller

April will be a big month for your career. Mars is still brilliantly lighting your tenth sector of fame and honors (tenth house), a wonderful situation that began last month on March 15 and that continues now. You will have until April 22 to make your mark, for after that, energetic Mars will move on to light another part of your chart. It'll be easy to get addicted to all the career activity and warmth of Mars, but don't take him for granted - you'll find it easier to make progress now than at any other time in 2009. Give career projects and goals all you've got while the Sun shines for you.

If you want a new job, you need to be out planting seeds. If you enjoy the job you have, you have a superb chance for a promotion or to see fulfillment on a project you've been working on over a long period. If you have your own business, you may want to launch a publicity or advertising campaign, as your timing would be right and you'd see results. You may also bring in a major piece of new business now, so concentrate on pitching! Remember, you will have Mars at your side only until April 22.

Venus, the planet of art, beauty, and financial gains, has been in retrograde since March 6, so an out-of-phase Venus has probably depressed your profits if you are self-employed. If you work for others, Venus in weak mode made it hard for you to negotiate for a better salary. The good news is that Venus will turn direct on April 17, and from then on it will be easier for you to see a rise in income. Venus will turn direct on April 17, 2009, and stay strong for the coming 18 months. Very soon you should be looking at a stronger, brighter financial picture.

If you write for a living or work in a creative field, the move of Venus to direct speed will help you work more effectively, without the fits and starts you've had to contend with up until now. Collaborations of all kinds should go better, too.

Actually, a very special creative project seems to be coming to a conclusion on or near the full moon, April 9 (plus four days). This project may involve graphics or words, or both. For example, you may be ready to ship a finished manuscript for a book, screenplay, or an important presentation or report. You may be ready to unveil a new website or blog, or you may have a fully edited TV pilot to show a client.

No matter what you seem to be finishing, your project or launch may be produced for, or in tandem with, persons based in a foreign country. Indeed, due to the position of Jupiter, your work could have strong application to a global market. You may see your words translated into one or more languages, which is always exciting. Something related to your talent with communication arts seems to be reaching fullness. Keep in mind that thinking globally is the right idea in 2009 and may save the day when things in your own country don't seem to bring the opportunities you had hoped to see.

Are you in college and about to get your advanced degree? If so, you may now be ready to send in your final thesis. If you are a college professor, you may be putting the final touches on a new syllabus for a class you'll offer next semester. These are a few examples, but you get the idea - you can see a finish to a project or goal involving higher education or study.

More fun seems to be on the agenda, too. Your social life could be moving into high gear during the week of April 9, for this full moon will fall in your fifth house of true love. No matter what your social status - single, dating, or in an established relationship - you will likely have a sweet romantic episode to enjoy at this full moon. Keep watch not only on April 9, but also over Friday night, April 10, and the ensuing weekend, April 11-12. All full moons have an area of influence of four days on either side of the date it appears, and this one should be quite delicious.

Something involving your closest romantic relationship appears to be coming to culmination, and it looks like you'll be enthusiastic about what it will be - this should be one very bright romantic or social event of the year. This full moon will reach out to Jupiter and Neptune, creating a very lyrical, poetic, and graceful outcome. There is a sense of ease at this full moon that will be rare and special.

This would be an ideal time - near April 9 - to take a vacation. Attached? You'll have a chance to lavish time on your one-and-only, which should be fun. Considering how strong your career demands have been, your partner will appreciate having your full attention. If you are single but not dating, you may meet someone new on your trip or on the public conveyance you take on the way. Attending a seminar or trade show in a distant city could be a good way to meet people from your industry. You'd have a lot in common - so mix and mingle!

If you were born on or within five days of June 11, no matter what you experience over this full moon, April 9, it's going to be good, and you will benefit most from all that occurs.

Your most romantic dates this month will be: April 3, 4, 9-11, 17-19, 21, and 24.

Your career will bring a mammoth surprise on April 15 because of a coming conjunction of Mars and Uranus. Brace yourself for any type of news. When Uranus is involved, you never know what to expect, for it is the planet of out-of-the-blue events - you could receive news that seems strange or completely unexpected.

Those Gemini born on or within four days of June 14 will feel this aspect most. (Gemini born in May or in very early June may not feel it much at all, unless another planet is being touched.) I feel we rarely have to plan for good news, but you would have to watch for a shocking or unusual incident. Keep alert, don't take anything for granted, and don't rattle any cages. This is a time to lie low. Keep your ears open and don't provoke an angry response from an authority figure.

If you play your cards right, you can ride through any jarring event. In fact, you may see a complete turnaround a few days later. (Or, it may be that other career news, completely unrelated to the topic that comes up April 15, will be so strong that it works to counter your worries of what happens April 15.)

I say this because on Tuesday, April 21, Venus and Mars will meet at the very top of your chart, creating very favorable buzz about your work. This will be a four-star day for an interview, presentation, or other career-related activity where being accepted or perceived as popular would be important. Venus and Mars in your reputation sector will give you a certain sparkle or sex appeal that will be undeniable. If you are an actor, stand-up comic, or musician, for instance, this would be a dazzling day for an audition or special first-time performance.

Financially, you will do well with creative projects and side jobs, and through a commission, royalty, or other chunk of cash you may receive on April 10 and/or April 23. The latter date rates a gold star, for the Sun and Pluto will be beautifully oriented. On either day, you may get very good news that will help you stabilize your cash flow, which is always good news!

As you can see, this month is strongly woven with all kinds of career news. To balance this, you'll need some fun time to see friends and relax, in addition to the romantic episode that is due over the full moon period April 9. Happily, the universe agrees and will provide you with the rest you need.

Once Mars enters Aries on April 22, the heavy emphasis on work and career will simmer down, and from then on, you'll have more time for friends, fun, and events. Mars will stay in your eleventh house, the area of hopes and wishes, friendships, and fun through May 31, and that'll be more than enough time to loosen up and rejuvenate your batteries. While the time near the full moon April 9, plus or minus four days, will be great for a quick vacation, you'll have a longer phase to book yours, anytime from April 22 to May 31. Actually, May might be your best option for reasons I will discuss later.

At month's end, the new moon, April 24, will be a time to think about what you'd like to happen in the coming months. Astrology is not destiny but best used for planning, and this new moon is one that will help you set up your priorities. Have you outgrown your old goals, or have you achieved them? No matter what your situation, it's a good time to review all the things you would love to see happen in 2009. If you are no longer excited about a goal as you get closer to grasping it, you can always change or refine it. This would be the right time.

This new moon will be useful in another way, and that is to help you overcome a fear that has been holding you back, or a habit that you'd like to end. Even if you have been disappointed in the past, you can meet this challenge now. If you feel you need a coach or other professional to help you, you can find the help you need now. With a beautiful beam to Saturn in the fourth house of "the end of all matters," you have a superb chance of concluding this habit or fear once and for all. Pluto will also be helpful - great news - for Pluto can do what many other planets cannot, and that is completely transform stagnating situations.

Quite coincidentally, on this same day as the new moon, April 24, Mercury will send a friendly beam to Uranus. This is sure to bring happy news, as Mercury is your ruling planet - your guardian! It is possible that a situation that has been completely hidden from view for some time will suddenly come to light. Or, that a confidential talk you have concerning your career brings really good news. It's a superb day - you should be feeling great.

Travel is also a happy possibility that day, April 24, and if so, it would happen suddenly and go exceptionally well. Any sort of communication or travel on this day (or within one day plus or minus) would bring good news. Also, news you get from people at a distance should be quite exciting. If you need to brainstorm for new ideas for a creative project, you'll have the opportunity, for your mind will crackle with exciting potential.

Keep in mind that April will be your productive month, but in May you will be redoing projects and contending with delays. Mercury will retrograde from May 7 to 30 in your sign of Gemini, so you will probably feel this retrograde more directly than most Mercury retrograde periods. This is why I said earlier that you may want to take your vacation next month, in May, a better option, for at that time you wouldn't miss any earth-shattering news going on back at the office. (As mentioned, the time near the full moon April 9 would also be perfect for a quick, fun trip. The period in late April and May would allow for more time to go.)

Next month will not be the time to launch new ventures, seal new relationships, or buy anything expensive. This month will allow you to be far more productive than May. If you can't get things settled in April, then if possible, table things for June. That will be your birthday month, so at that time you'll have special favor from the Sun. It'll be worth waiting for better days, if possible.

So as you see, you need to make hay in April, for May will be a month when the pace of life will be slower. You have a highly productive month for career progress (April 1-22) and for fun and love (April 9, and after April 22). In some ways, you have it all. Just tip toe around people, or hide, near April 15, and you should be fine. Remember - April 22 plus or minus one day will be your day to shine professionally!

Summary

This will be a powerful month for your career. With Mars backing your every effort to get ahead until April 22, you would be wise to focus intently on creating a victory from a current project. You may get outstanding publicity for work well done, or you may now launch an advertising or self-promotion campaign that gets people talking about your good work. If you need a new job, line up interviews quickly, and if you work for others, see about whether you can take on more responsibility and power where you are now. If self-employed, you can more easily bring in new business.

Romance seems to be on the agenda over the full moon, April 9, or at the very least, you will have plenty to celebrate. You seem to be with many other people on this date, so perhaps you'll be going to a wedding or party, a theme park, or even a baseball game. Whatever it is, it'll be fun.

After April 22, you will go into a quieter, more internal phase. It's an ideal time to think about the coming 12-18 months and decide what you'd like to achieve personally and professionally in that time. It's also a good time to decide what you don't want to bring with you into your near future. Is there a habit you'd like to quit? Is there a bad relationship that is thwarting you? This new moon on April 24 will help you make room for all the new experiences, relationships, and opportunities that may be coming in your new birthday year. Once you create space, the universe will have a place to put all your goodies.

Coincidentally, on the same day as the new moon, April 24, there is another lovely aspect, Mercury in fine, supportive angle to Uranus, just made for cooking up new ideas, good news, or spontaneous travel.

One day could prove to be either outstandingly positive or very troubling: when Uranus meets up with Mars on April 15. You may have a strong disagreement with your boss or hear news you'd never expect. You'll be feeling more emotional on this day, and quite impulsive, too. Events will fall to the extreme end of the positive-negative spectrum. You won't have to brace for good news, but you would need to brace for bad. As a precaution, lie low, keep thoughts to yourself, and see what happens.

Sometimes energy zings into your opposite house of the chart, so rather than have your career bring unanticipated news, you may instead be focused on your physical home, real estate, or a family member, most likely a parent. Keep your schedule light and your wits about you.

Just a few days later, April 21, things will go very well professionally when you may score another career victory or find a way to smooth over any problems of April 15. Either way, April 21 plus or minus one day should be a favorite career day of the month.

Dates to Note:

News from a distance is positive: April 3-4.

Expect a major romantic development: April 9, plus or minus four days. No matter what your status, it should be a fun, loving time.

A long trip taken the week of April 6-12 would be divine. International developments also glitter.

A creative or writing project may reach culmination: April 9-13.

Watch your career for off-the-grid news - something you'd never expect in a million years: April 15 plus two days on either side. Could be breathtakingly good or not-at-all good. Keep your antenna up. Watch as well for developments at home, with real estate, or in regard to a parent.

Profits should improve after Venus turns direct on April 17. Venus will stay strong from this moment on.

Watch for an approval for cash - or the actual check to arrive - on April 23, or the runner up day, April 10. Money would not arrive through salary increases but through a side job or a one-time payment of cash that comes from an outside source of pay.

Just a few days later, you can generate lots of positive buzz about your work and reputation, thanks to Venus and Mars: April 21.

Your social life will reach a much faster tempo once Mars enters your eleventh house, from April 22 to May 31.

After the new moon, April 24, spend a little time thinking about what you'd like to achieve during the coming birthday year ahead. It's a good time to think about improving your health and mental well-being, including deleting a bad habit.

Also on the same day as the new moon, April 24, Mercury and Uranus will set up a superb time for communicating, travel, and creativity. Brainstorm, get in touch with someone, and anticipate the best when you look at your email!

Most romantic dates: April 3, 4, 9-11, 17-19, 21, and 24. 

2009年3月23日星期一

这世上难道有浪漫的事

这几天天气都很好。夜里的天空都有迷幻的色彩,一个人骑车的时候总是很悠闲。去医院的时候看到对面荒岛的书开始泛绿,桃花梨花玉兰花也都开了。校河的水极其难得的清净,映着两岸新绿柳条,有好多人扛着相机拍照。倒是觉得很新鲜呢。冬天也有人拍照其实,积雪覆盖的河床也有很多人捧场呢。所以呀,任何地方只要在对的时候去就也都会满不错吧。宏村的油菜花似乎正是开得茂盛的时候,四月去就没有啦,所以呢,想看油菜花,至少要等下一年。
小的时候在家,漫山遍野也开满油菜花,在学校的操场上可以看到外面的农田里一片金黄,在田亘上跑来跑去的时候可以闻到植物的味道。所以油菜花不稀罕对不对。类似于这样的事物都不稀罕吧,满树满树的果子,用竹竿敲下来就可以吃的经历,一点都不难得。吃桑葚到满嘴乌紫的时候,也不是没有过。爬到山顶上看日出或者看日落,在海边捡贝壳或者画画,描述起来浪漫的事情,亲身经历的时候,往往会有“也就是这样而已嘛”的感觉,并不觉得很幸福或者很惊喜,之后甚至难以产生描述这些经历的兴趣。
到底什么是珍贵的经历呢?再困难的事情也总有人做过了,写在纸上,印成书籍在各处售卖。这样的书读多了,渐渐也就觉得没有做不到的事情啊。没有奇迹是未被描述过的。没有什么不可能。也许就这样,一切奇迹也就显得无足轻重了吧。
可以被什么打动呢?如果一切外在都不会造成惊喜,是否人类社会的情感可以让人心动?呵,我不得不说,这恐怕更难吧?世上所有可能出现的浪漫的事,都有人发动想象力,编成故事,写在书里。想要怎样动人的表白场景呢,又或是期待天长地久相濡以沫?书里的故事既告诉你爱情的动人,也告诉人那动人背后的冰冷残酷。怎么能惊讶呢,当我已经知道这世上既有天荒地老永不分离也有人心向背世事险恶的时候。于是所有的“最。。”,便转换为“。。而已”。
这样一来,阅读的趣味大大的被降低了。因为既抬高了也放弃了期望,最后故事的结果,总是意料之中的意外而已。

2009年3月19日星期四

安妮宝贝

今天想要说一下安妮。起因是是看到了豆瓣上一个男性的类似征婚帖。链接如下。
里面说他自己呢, 绝没有七月、安生那样的激烈与浓郁。 
七月和安生。呵。我几乎无端鄙夷用安妮的文字来比照自己的人。
安妮笔下的那些人,哪里算人呢。他们只是一个一个的片,从一个立体的血肉丰满的人身上剪裁下来,再放大而形成的影而已。由于对比太过鲜明,反倒让人记住了。看看那些名字,七月、安生、乔、内河、庆昭、善生,哪一个是真心想要低调的名字。洁净、素朴、厚实、清淡。。。之类的词语,每个形容词都恨不得当名词用,恨不得主语都省掉,把状语放到主语的位置上去,大概也只有“矫情”二字可以表明这类做法的特点。安妮这么做,其实也就罢了。女性,加上是作家,矫情一点,其实也算个人风格。可是一个大老爷们,开口闭口洁净清淡,爱好是码字,不嫌鸡皮疙瘩多吗?怎么可能以为自己是安妮笔下的那些人或者类似人物呢?这样,还叫现实生活里面的人吗?实在是忍不住要翻下白眼。看到楼下许多人围观,果然自认文青是要被鄙视的。
说起来,也算是从安妮的第一本书看起的人。彼岸花,告别薇安、蔷薇岛屿、八月未央,到莲花和素年锦时。安妮初期的阴郁给我留下了严重的阴影,真觉得手心有大片荒芜内心有无法填补的空洞,在那些书里,女性是尖锐的倔强的内心寂寞的,男性是强大的和不可依靠的。他们会欺骗,会离开,会得陇望蜀,实非良配,可是还是没有办法,就是会爱上啊。女性和女性的关系很纠结,大概安妮是真的内心寂寞的人,没有闺蜜,所以想象出来的女性之间的友谊都没有好结局。真是可怕的经历啊,后来我至少用半年时间才回到现实世界,几乎不再愿意碰她的书。莲花是转折,那时自己陷在一段纠结情感里出不来,内河漂泊的经历和善生的稳定表象给了我一个幻象。好歹,人和人之间有信任这个事物存在了。素年锦时,因为属于随笔,几乎是表达个人主观观点的,有些观点也是满赞同,虽然,确实明显感觉到安妮同学的经济水平大幅提升,物质需求明显升高了。但是,没有那么矫情了。她开始立足于生活,实实在在的说出自己的观点。而不是纠结于自己的阴郁,精神荒芜的幻想。这样好。没有多少人在成熟了之后还能忍受一个成天说自己多难受社会多冷漠悲伤多彻底的作家的。显摆自己的不幸是要有限度的,郭敬明没有领会到这一点,就没有长大,还是那个小屁孩。安妮在成长,这样在如此多年之后,她的书仍然可以入眼,就很好。
最后总结一下呢,安妮的书,可以看的。看完了呢,不要学她的风格。因为那结果,真是太恶心了。

2009年3月13日星期五

生死

THU的校园里,是不差新鲜事的。一边正在为史远募捐,好让他长命百岁,另一边又有人选择离开。冬阳在专教里嚎啕大哭,逝者同是民乐的队员,自然悲痛万分。上回美院mm的事,也有同学哭得一塌糊涂。类似兔死狐悲吧?在THU这么几年,每年总有几个人以各种各样的方式离开。都是路人,各不相干,也渐渐不再动容。
生死,到底是怎么一回事呢?活在世上的时候,时常可以看到新鲜事物,沐浴阳光雨露,与人交流情感,应当是符合人心性的状态。所以世上大多数人,知道离死将近,一定拼命挣扎,想要多换来一些时日。而自愿选择走到另一个世界里的人,要怎样的灰心才能做出这样的决定呢?心底里要非常厌恶自己吧,以至于认为自己的存在是不幸,不仅难以见容于世界,更难以见容于自身。
死生有命,如果我也离开,大概也是会有人哭泣的吧。不过那与我有什么关系呢。我的灵魂已经消灭,存在的痕迹也在渐渐风化,那些眼泪,不过是徒劳和对活着的人的安慰而已。如果死后有灵,只会觉得讽刺。
要自如的面对生命,无论是自己认为的不堪忍受,还是旁人的冷漠眼光,都不应当影响自己对生命轨迹的决定。即便艰难度日,也可以安慰自己,至少还有一颗坚强的灵魂。
而我要感叹,自己有一颗冰冷坚硬的心。

2009年3月7日星期六

聪明

突然就想起来寒假看到的一个老头,Frankie Valli,大概是七十年代美国灵魂乐的代表人物之一吧。老头儿白头发,声音像单簧管吧,不很明亮,不嘹亮,也不很宽厚,很聪明的样子。不是睿智啊,我总觉得说一个人睿智那个人就得有一个深邃的灵魂。可是我不喜欢人的灵魂太深邃了,显得很严肃,我就搞不懂了,不但搞不懂而且会觉得很挫败。这个老头就刚刚好,很轻松,又很聪明,唱歌,有点风流相。唱歌的时候用三个手指头拿麦克,明显觉得剩下两个手指头就是不用力的,走路转身都轻巧游刃有余的,献殷勤也恰到好处呢,颇有“百花丛中过,片叶不沾身”的意思。
后来我努力的找了下,没有找到MP3格式方便下载的音频,也没有找到有CD出售的网店,也许真的是要缘分吧?未来的某天,也许路过某个小店的时候,就在CD架上看到他苍老但英俊的面孔。
后来就去下了Bob Dylan来听,61年的曲子,声音就苍老了,跟老了似的。旋律永远是我的最爱呀,MP3里播着Jazz,还是不由自主就跟着流行大俗歌的调儿跑了。Bob Dylan是很快乐的吧,至少那个时候,节拍很快,乐句很短,台下的人应当穿着喇叭裤边跳Disco边开心的笑。
一个人的MSN签名档说“天蓝的很幸福”,后来他说,“小P孩女生节快乐。”今天是THU的女生节呢,从昨天夜里喧闹就没有停止过,整个一天学校里都弥漫着喧嚣的气息。为什么这么快乐呢?拿了一个巨大的泡芙边吃边看小说的人,是略微可以体会快乐心情的吧?
最近看的书很杂,但都没有怎么看完。唯独看完的书是《八荒》。那里陷入爱情的都是男人,女性的形象都是经过伤痕深重的情事后终于愈合于是不再沉沦及时行乐的样子,削瘦的,黑白灰的,不畏惧寒冷的,喜欢吸烟的。总有一个人会断然离开,聪明决绝。
会觉得怎样的人看起来就很聪明呢?今天和朋友在盛世莲花边吃煎鸡饭边讨论这个问题。看一眼就觉得聪明,从小到大也只见过几个人而已。第一个是幼儿园的同学,小男孩,长的很漂亮,笑起来很嚣张。第二个是前天在路上擦肩而过的男生,眉毛高高的弯弯的,眼睛很大很明亮的样子,看到了就觉得看起来好聪明啊。第三个是一个师兄,上上次学生节有出色表现,超级搞笑,平常好似是闷骚型人物。我对同学说觉得他看起来就很聪明呢,那俩人表达了完全的反对。其中一个人说,他看起来那么二!另一个人认为长的聪明的人是一个几近光头的矮个师兄,顿感很诡异。所以其实每个人对于看起来聪明的人长什么样还是有很有趣的观点的吧。我觉得聪明的人大概眼睛明亮一点就好了,在阳光下折射过来的光芒耀眼一点,表情嚣张一点,就可以了。
你呢。


2009年3月3日星期二

八荒和一切因你而值得

北京的春天素来非我所爱,我总嫌她过于冰冷和浑浊,还有灰暗。昨天从当当订了黎戈的《一切因你而值得》和逍遥兽的《八荒》,今天到货,迫不及待要拿来说。
《八荒》素色封面,浅白色楷书列了十一篇故事的题目,八荒两字带些华丽竖排在中央。能体察到作者低调的用心,并不彻底,还有许多骄傲留存,是棱角还在的样子。翻到封三写下“插画/文那”,因她也是我喜爱的女子。这书里的文字带八分沉重,仿佛一个年轻人一直叹气,有古龙的意气在里面吧。是可以用来打发时间的书,不需要费脑子。
《一切因你而值得》是文艺女青年的书,只是不知道为什么要用这个题目。作者的博客百合深渊是我最喜欢的女性博客,独立,自然,亲切,不故作悲伤或者深沉,也并不炫示自己的幸福或不幸。而且黎戈是单亲妈妈呢。因此又有亲近感。封面是败笔,选用的字体简直是失败的不能再失败,又套上“大师们那些事儿”这样的题头,不由得要狠狠地唾弃编辑们,简直没有脑子。文章还没有读,可以想见仅就性价比会比《八荒》高些,也更费脑子。也许会放在架上很久才看。


2009年3月2日星期一

普鲁斯特问卷

        1.你认为最完美的快乐是怎样的?
安稳,依赖和被依赖。独立。在路上。
  2.你最希望拥有哪种才华?
顺畅的表达心意。
  3.你最恐惧的是什么?
不能表达自己。
  4.你目前的心境怎样?
沉郁
  5.还在世的人中你最钦佩的是谁?
没有吧。我喜欢不存在的人呢。
  6.你认为自己最伟大的成就是什么?
学吹单簧管,而且一直在坚持。
  7.你自己的哪个特点让你最觉得痛恨?
歇斯底里
  8.你最喜欢的旅行是哪一次?
去上海
  9.你最痛恨别人的什么特点?
八面玲珑
  10.你最珍惜的财产是什么?
友谊
  11.你最奢侈的是什么?
时间
  12.你认为程度最浅的痛苦是什么?
死亡
  13.你认为哪种美德是被过高的评估的?
道德
  14.你最喜欢的职业是什么?
谈判人员
  15.你对自己的外表哪一点不满意?
头顶有一个坑
  16.你最后悔的事情是什么?
没有读经管
  17.还在世的人中你最鄙视的是谁?
没有最鄙视的吧。
  18.你最喜欢男性身上的什么品质?
强大。
  19.你使用过的最多的单词或者是词语是什么?
好吧
  20.你最喜欢女性身上的什么品质?
安稳
  21.你最伤痛的事是什么?
背离
  22.你最看重朋友的什么特点?
不离开我就好
  23.你这一生中最爱的人或东西是什么?
我自己的,生命和思想。
  24.你希望以什么样的方式死去?
意外死亡
  25.何时何地让你感觉到最快乐?
一个人旅行的时候,睡在青旅的床上,疲惫但是安心。
  26.如果你可以改变你的家庭一件事,那会是什么?
妈妈跟爸爸不要认识
  27.如果你能选择的话,你希望让什么重现?
那些夏天的日子。
  28.你的座右铭是什么?
我的征途是星辰大海。

2009年2月23日星期一

审判日

然而,在他们生命的迟暮之秋,就再也没有一个苏丹会关心他是否在这个世上流芳千古了。

“审判日那一天,会让艺术家们把他们创造的形象活生生地呈现,”我小心翼翼地说,“但他们将什么也无法办到,因而将遭受地狱的折磨。”


——《我的名字叫红》

2009年2月5日星期四

十二星座男女

水瓶
认识的人里水瓶的挺多,男生都具幽默感,有大哥的气质,热爱运动,本质上其实大滑头,放得开,也总有些绅士气质。女生贤惠贴心,而且pp,温柔善良,是再好不过的朋友。水瓶是合适的朋友星座,因为聪明、敏感、贴心。

双鱼
曾经认识一个帅的不行的男生是双鱼,后来再也没见过。那孩子喜爱唱歌去读了艺校,也不知如今发展的怎样。和我的一个好友纠缠了许久也没有结局,双鱼这个星座真是没有给我留下太深刻的印象。

白羊
闺蜜是白羊,爱上人就会全情投入,分开后伤的彻头彻尾,是美女,而且学音乐,独立自主,真性情,有虐童倾向。在我们初识的那几年我总觉得她是正常人,用以做标杆。如今她活脱脱一个神经病,换我做回正常小孩。跟人有特别的相处方式。

金牛
金牛是我的亲人星座,姐姐、哥还有一个弟弟是金牛,典型的金牛大概只有哥。石头一样,木头一样,做事情认真,不会主动关心人,也不会不关心人消失掉。性格真是淡定的要死,虽然不会很让人满意,但也不用担心的一个星座吧。金牛女都是大醋坛子,从同学那里得到深刻的体会,醋的范围从男友到男生同学甚至到男性老师,非常可观。

双子
双子的人好奇心很重,而且总是会因为好奇而喜欢上人。日夜之间往往会是两个人,白天偏理性,理性且冷血,夜里偏感性,而且缺乏安全感。表面上很容易被各种各样的新鲜事物吸引,难以安定下来,内里实际是长情的人,认定了会一直用心。双子的死劫是天蝎,逃都逃不过。

巨蟹
认识很久的好朋友是巨蟹,典型居家帅哥型好男人,跟他的女友已经认识并纠缠了十年了,如今恩爱得很,并打算在家这边工作好好的度过后面的大半个人生。喜欢小孩,当朋友是蛮不错的。不浪漫。

狮子
狮子女是外表柔弱内心韧度很强很有主见的。对爱情的态度总还是宁缺毋滥,事业心很强。好友是狮子女,外表温柔,内心强大,有众多好友却也可以自己独立的行动。

处女
隔壁寝室的mm是这个星座的,磨叽,小事情一点点问题都会重新弄一遍,也不一定追求完美,但是吹毛求疵的事情是常常发生的。气质独特有特别的爱好,一把好嗓子。

天平
另一个闺蜜是天平,长情,喜爱各种食物。并不懒。认识的天平男是典型,懒,12580,喜欢美丽的事物,对朋友是真不错。这个星座的人大概都有点喜欢暧昧不清,感情的事情过很久都可以没有清楚的结局还一直拖下去。当朋友很不错。

天蝎
双子的死劫,别人都说天蝎是专情的星座,而且热情似火,在我这里无论男女均以无情居多。而且是我无论如何无法理解的星座,现在对天蝎的认识大概还和十年前一样多。完全不能用同一种思维方式去想问题,而且善变。某一天我发现我的妈妈是天蝎的时候,有一种醍醐灌顶的感觉,终于明白为什么这么多年都被妈妈治的死死的了。

射手
射手是双子的对宫星座,我的土星也在射手。孩子气,不够理性,蛮热情的。奇怪的是认识的射手总是以男友身份出现,自己的,同学的,朋友的。是我比较想规避的星座。

摩羯
摩羯mm都很强。做事情很踏实而且坚持不懈。不过似乎缺乏想象力跟浪漫气质。感觉很厚重,是土象星座的特质吧。

2009年1月30日星期五

江南

想去江南已经很多年,小桥流水的街巷,烟雨朦胧的天气,青砖素瓦背后的亭台楼榭,古老森严的家规,满街满街的贞节牌坊,这些影像总是拼不到一起,这个夏天,也许可以去看看。背着包在大街小巷里穿行一路遇见陌生人,饮一杯茶的自在心情在想象中变得很美好。江南,绍兴?周庄?乌镇?嘉兴?西塘?苏州?杭州?或者还有其他吧。不能抗拒的想去啊,也想去崇明岛看看崇明出生的地方。每周一地,夏天里,会连下雨天都是美好的吧。